What is there to say about Michael Bay's Transformers films that hasn't been said already? Sadly, as Empire mentioned in their review, absolutely everything that was wrong with the previous two films is wrong with the latest one too. Bay hasn't listened. He hasn't learned.
I didn't fall asleep during this one, which I suppose makes it better than Revenge of the Fallen. But then giving a bunch of toys, some fireworks and a video camera to a small boy would also result in a better film.
You know how in a film there is often a character whose sole purpose is comic relief? Someone to wise-crack to relieve the tension when things become too dark, or do something silly in a desperate attempt to raise a smile. In Dark of the Moon almost every single human is a clown. There are only one or two who are serious throughout the entire film. Is it right to have so many of this type in a film which is about the planet being occupied by evil forces?
Which brings me nicely to the robots themselves. Where the humans are all clowns, all the robots are complete idiots. There's no other word for it. In the first film, the Autobots stumbled around and destroyed the Witwicky family garden. In Dark of the Moon they're doing the same sort of things.
The Transformers are supposed to be highly advanced beings! Why are they portrayed as being so stupid?
I also wonder why Optimus Prime - the heroic leader of the Autobots - is so bloodthirsty. 'Kill them all!' he cries as he charges into battle (before disappearing for long periods). The evil Decepticons, meanwhile, are content just to take the Autobots prisoner.
The film is overly long and a huge chunk of it could have been cut out. The first half is almost devoid of action and instead...well, nothing really happens. Sam spends a long time getting a job and we get to endure Rosie Huntington-Whiteley.
She's never acted before? Even after appearing in this film, she still has yet to act.
The second half is action set-piece followed be another set-piece. They tag on and on and on and on to each other. I assume Bay kept thinking up new ways to blow stuff up and decided to include them all in the final cut. It's a bit like watching the trailer - if the trailer went on for an hour.
I can only hope that Bay keeps to his word and that this is his last involvement in the franchise. I've had enough of the my childhood being crapped all over, thank you very much. Hopefully whoever does the next one (and there undoubtedly will be) takes note of where Bay went wrong and attempts to correct it. Maybe we could have a reboot! They're all the rage these days after all.
I leave you with this review from Mark Kermode, which pretty sums things up pretty well.